Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Coterie

Nera, Tabby, Mr. Grey and Fluffy

We felines are not actually groupies, but sometimes circumstances take over. For example, I was looking through my kitten album and found this group photo. You can see me on the top left, relaxing in my/our territory. Yes, at that time we had to share our territory, there was no other way, although everyone did their markings in their own space.

At the front on the left is my litter sister Nera. Mum said that she was actually a half sister as on that special evening mum was quite busy. Nera was big and fat, no sorry she always said fluffy, and was the first one to arrive in the litter. We both moved into Mrs. Human’s place and naturally took over although Nera always had the first choice of sleeping place. Nera got her 10th life a few years ago, but still pays a visit now and again, in a higher dimension of time and space of course.

And on the right we have Fluffy. I do not really know why he joined us, but I think it was a human thing. Fluffy had curls and was not really my sort of feline. He even knew who his mum and dad were. I think it was an arranged marriage. Fluffy was one of those male felines, although I think he was about as male as I was female, you know the never to be forgotten visit to the vet that we all had. I don’t think that Fluffy ever got a chance to realise that he was a male cat. And so there we were, although Nera and I had to show Fluffy who the boss was with a paw swipe now and again. We soon got him trained.

If you are wondering about the fourth feline at the back, that is Mr. Grey. He did not belong to us really, but lived next door, but he was OK. He had his own territory and Nera said to leave him to do his own thing, so we did.

Of course it was all in our younger years. Fluffy is also now living her 10th life with Nera, and I do not know what happened to Mr. Grey. I think his human moved and he decided to go with her. I never saw him again, but he was not really family.

They were the good old days, and now it is all I, me and myself which is also quite good. Who needs friends, as long as you have food.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Coterie

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Friendship

Tabby

“No, Mrs. Human, I am not in a friendly mood and have no friends. We felines are the organisers, the logistic experts, and have no time for such silly ideas of having friends. We are far too busy organising our feline lives and friends would only complicate the whole thing. How can you relax and enjoy a sleep if you know there are other felines watching.”

“But Tabby, I am your friend.”

“Shhh Mrs. Human, don’t say that too loud, another cat might hear you and then my reputation as the master feline would be ruined. Felines do not have human friends, only slaves.  We superior felines, like myself, so not have or need friends. You cannot trust another feline and when your whiskers are turned they pounce on your territory, might even steal your hairballs and claim them as their own. We do not go for walks paw in paw together Mrs. Human. The only time we get together is to have a paw fight, and only the strongest are left standing. Friendship does not exist in meow, and if you talk to a feline about friendship he would be confused and not understand what it is. And now serve me something good to eat to put me in a good mood. All this talk about friendship is disturbing and I need something to calm me down.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Friendship

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Brilliance

Tabby

“Just look at me: my perfect whiskers, my wonderful fur and my Macdonalds “M” on my forehead. I radiate brilliance, what more can I say. I am the most perfect feline you have ever seen, you must admit it. My fur reflects brilliance, it shines with its beauty. Look at the stripes on my fur, such perfection you see rarely.”

“Ok Tabby, that will do, we all know how brilliant you are.”

“I just wanted to say it. The problem is I am so modest and definitely do not want to show-off, but the subject is brilliance, and let’s face it I am brilliant.”

“In that case show us all what a brilliant feline you are and eat your vitamin pellets like a good cat.”

“Vitamin pellets are beneath my dignity Mrs. Human. If you are something special and unique as I am, then you must be fed with the necessary food, and definitely not vitamin pellets. Salmon, or caviar would be something matching my exclusive qualities.”

“Oh dear Tabby. I was thinking of getting some today, but the shop had already sold the last caviar to a siamese cat.”

“To a what? They are really a lower on the scale of special felines. There is no one as important as a genuine Tabby cat. You should have reserved some caviar for me.”

“Sorry Tabby, all I can manage is a bowl of tuna fish.”

“With the natural juices?”

“Of course Tabby. Only the best for you.”

“Very well then I will partake of some tuna fish, but garnish it with chives on the side.”

“I though you did not eat chives.”

“Of course not, but I look at them. We felines eat with our eyes.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Brilliance

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Advice

Tabby

Take my advice kittens, if your 9 lives become too much for you, and the permanent bother of human hands giving tummy tickles are too much, just curl up somewhere quiet, close your eyes and sleep. It is easily done. We felines are experts. Ignore any external noise or movements, we can do it. Just float on a level above and use your telepathic influence to focus on any alterations in the surrounding atmosphere. Perhaps you might feel the movement of a mouse in the next house or in a field, but it can wait.

There is only one important moment in your sleep. When a tin of tuna fish is opened, the smell will develop and your senses will be awakened. You will hear the sound of the tin opener and feel its vibrations in the air. Such are the signals we need. So we meet at the food bowl together, drooling and waiting. And when the feast has been sampled, we retire again to our various peaceful cushions, remembering the delights sampled. Yes, a feline life is a hard life, but always be prepared to eat. Heed my advice. And do not forget the famous advice of the feline poet, Tiddles William Shakesspeare: if meows be the food of felines, eat on until there is none left.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Advice

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Birthday

Tabby

“Mrs. Human in a month it will be Catmas.”

“I know Tabby”

“Then you won’t forget.”

“I thought that was a feline thing and had nothing to do with humans.”

“But I am making my list already.”

“List?”

“Yes the things I need, my presents.”

“You have everything you need Tabby.”

“I was thinking something special, like a mink fur lined sleeping cushion, or an elevated cat bowl.”

“An elevated cat bowl?”

“Yes I saw them in Pawnet. It means I would not have to bend my heat for eating.”

“Wait until your birthday Tabby.”

“But that is in April, far too long to wait. Ok, just order my a Versace cat bowl and a Swarovski Cat Flap, that will do for the meanwhile.”

“And what are you going to give me for Christmas Tabby.”

“Sorry Mrs. Human, but we felines do not celebrate Christmas. I could perhaps give you a stuffed mouse for Catmas, Just do not eat the tail, they are not so appetising.”

“I promise I will  not eat the tail or even the head.”

“Ok, no good throwing it away, I will take the head.”

“In the meanwhile you can move out of the toilet.”

Definitely not, far too warm and comfortable.”

“But I want to use it.”

“My litter box is at your disposal Mrs. Human. Oh, she has gone away, I think she was annoyed.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Birthday

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Holiday

Tabby

Holiday? I really have no time for a holiday. My feline life is packed with responsibilities. I cannot afford to take a holiday. Who would look after Mrs. Human if I were not here. She is so helpless sometimes and needs a guiding paw to give her instructions.

In the morning when she rises, her first duty is to fill my bowl with fresh food, even if it is only vitamin pallets. The pellets left from yesterday tend to have a stale taste, and need to be pepped up with fresh pellets from the bag. However, she was again ignoring my needs and busy with her own breakfast and making tea. What about me? I have to watch whilst she savours the taste of a freshly made breakfast and look longinly at my half filled bowl awaiting replenishments.

At last she finishes her breakfast and now it was my turn. Forget it, she began to clean rooms that I do not use instead of replacing my No. 1 bowl of water outside on the porch. She knows that is the first place I like to go in the morning to savour the fresh water. I meowed a few times and she was suddenly there. I had my paw in my almost empty bowl and so she filled it. This should be number one on her list of things to do in the morning. And my food bowl? Again she moved on to cleaning the room with her recyling tray. Mine is still waiting to be emptied. Humans can be so self centred. Suddenly she is finished and I see my bowls have been removed. This is the part that gets interesting, because I now have her complete attention, although I am still waiting for them to be filled.

It seems that this process is the last on her list of things to do. She should really have a better organisation in the morning. I ate my breakfast and then had to take a sleep to recover. How can I take a holiday with so much stress?

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Holiday

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Costume

Tabby
I am sleeping today as tonight I will be out. It is catoween and I do not want to miss Nera my litter sister and Fluffy, the apprentice,  as they pay their annual visit. They now have their tenth life in the eternal corn chambers keeping the corn free of mice.

Nera, Tabby & Fluffy

And here we are together, Fluffy on the right and Nera on the left. They left me in charge and so I now organise Mrs. Human on my own, but now and again they give me advice, from the other side of course.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Costume