Feline RDP Wednesday: Innovative Feline

Tabby

Why do humans have to put tuna fish in tins?If you left them to swim it is much easier to catch them, but now it seems the tuna fish is in plastic packets. I have a new routine. Since the last memorable visit to the vet, where I was prodded and jabbed, I am getting tuna fish every evening, although I have to give Mrs. Human the look, because otherwise she forgets.

So there she is enjoying her ham and salami and whatever and there am I sitting outside the kitchen and looking in with pleading eyes that say “what about me”. Suddenly she realises that the most important person in the family is expecting the evening meal and has nothing. Humans can be so thoughtless. She gets a bad conscience as I am a poor starving feline and so she goes into action. I saw in the cupboard she has boxes full of tuna fish packets, but all sealed. Even the plastic is paw proof. So I wait patiently for my bowl to be filled. I noticed she puts something liquid onto the fish from a bottle. I must ask her what it is.

Eventually my dinner is served and now I have my own place to eat it. I must admit I do not manage all of it, but leave a rest for later. I like a midnight feast, it breaks up the monotony. Tuna fish days are now here it seems. Looks like the vet had a few words with Mrs. Human and told her that her feline should get more consideration. I heard words about special food, but of course I get special food, after all I am special.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Innovative Feline

Feline RDP Wednesday: Mettlesome Feline

tabby

This is one of my active moments, note the whiskers are constantly moving as I yawn. Yawning is one of my most active moments, regenerating my energy for my next sleep. I am always in action, feline action. I have a human training programme to continue and that is hard work, but she is learning. And now to visit my recycling tray to keep her on her paws. No good that she sleeps on the job I never sleep, just close my eyes to rest them. So open the cat flap Mrs. Human, I am making an inspection tour of my territory. You see she is immediately in action reading the wishes from my whiskers. And wait for my return Mrs. Human, don’t sleep on the job. No, I do not sleep, I am ever present, a feline never sleeps.

Feline RDP Wednesday: Mettlesome Feline

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Wanderlust

Tabby

This morning I wandered to my water bowl, it was outside on the porch
It was still quite dark outside, but I did not need a torch
My eyes see everything whether in the night or day
Mrs. Human filled my bowl, my wish I did convey
This was a strenuous  wander, all my legs were feeling tired
And so I wandered to my bed, sleep was now required
Afterwards when I awoke, my tongue wandered for fur lick
I really did not feel so fresh, and needed a wakening kick
Again I put my wander paws on and walked to my food bowl
It was time to tank some energy, and food was now my goal
This was an exhausting walk, I returned to have a sleep
Another wander to my bed, I was now out on my feet
Life can be so tiring, with all the tasks and work
And now I had to examine my territory, felines on the lurk
I now collapsed onto my bed, this brings me all asunder
Tomorrow is another day, if not too tired I will  wander

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Wanderlust

Feline RDP Wednesday: Immersed Feline

Tabby

“There you are Tabby, under the bathroom cupboard. I was searching everywhere.”

“And now you have found me. I wanted to get away from it all, have a few minutes to myself. We felines need some me time now and again to immerse ourselves in our thoughts.”

“Of course Tabby, I didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Then leave me to myself. I was meditating.”

“What was you meditating about.”

“That is feline business, planning my next moves.”

“And you can only do that if you hide under the bathroom cabinet?”

“I thought it would be a good idea for some peace and quiet, but my concentration has been disturbed. I cannot have five minutes peace without a human disturbing me with silly questions and poking a telephone camera at me to take a photo to show everyone. My thought process has now been disturbed.”

“But I was worried where you were.”

“Mrs. Human it is cold enough outside to freeze off my claws and so I remain indoors. It is not as if I can journey to the end of the world. And now you have disturbed me. I was just calculating the axis of my paws in relation to jumping on a table with the application of the differential of my whiskers, applying a quantum mathematical solution  combined with the equation of Catagorus, taking into the consideration of a right angled whisker.”

“That sounds very technical Tabby.”

“No problem for a feline of the 5th life.”

“In that case I will leave you to solve your problem.”

“At last she has gone. I do not have a problem, at least I did not until she decided to look for me. Nothing that a good four hour sleep cannot solve.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Immersed Feline

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Quest

Tabby

I lost a life some time ago
Just listen to my tale of woe
Actually I had nine lives
But now only five survives
One I left with the cat next door
We had a fight and I used my paw
He gave me a push and hissed a lot
One life was gone, an unlucky shot
And then I decided to jump from a wall
Someone pushed me and I did a sprawl
Another life got lost, I do not know where
That is my quest, I think I left it in a chair
The fourth life was choking on a hair ball
I almost suffocated, that was my downfall
But now I have five and will keep them secure
I am not getting younger, will keep them for sure
Although Bastet says she will let me know when
If nine lives are gone, we will get number ten
A life in the chambers full of mice to catch
All for the eating, what a wonderful dispatch

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Quest

Feline RDP Wednesday: Ebullient Feline

Tabby

“Tabby sleeping again? Not ver ebullient today. ”

“Mrs. Human what else am I supposed to do: a song and a dance? Look outside. See that white stuff laying around everywhere. It is cold, it will attack my paws and they will freeze. I do not know what ebullient means, but if you can eat it, then why not.”

“It means full of life and happiness. But you must admit the snow looks very pretty.”

“Pretty does not exist in meow Mrs. Human and snow is not edible. Either it is inviting or not and the snow is not telling me to come and play. It is telling me to stay where I am on a comfortable chair. Even the birds have deserted the bird house, they have decided to stay up in the trees. As I am a feline, I decided to stay in my warm home where there is food and comfort and a human to see to my needs. And talking about that Mrs. Human, I would appreciate a nice plate of tuna fish.”

“I am sure you would Tabby, but you have a nice bowl full of vitamin pellets waiting to be eaten.”

“Oh, of course, I almost forgot. You mean those hard tasteless lumps, only fit for the production of hairballs. They bind the hairs so nicely.  I want real food, something tasty that once belonged to a living object and not the product of a machine. There is no such thing as a pellet animal, it is all so artificial.  And now leave me to sleep, at least I can dream of real food, even if I do not get any. Tell me when the snow goes away and I might take a few steps outside. I am not going anywhere in snow, the flakes fall from the sky, they could kill me.”

“Tabby no-one has ever been killed by a snow flake.”

“There is always the first time for everything. I could go into the feline history books as the first cat killed by a snowflake.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Ebullient Feline

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Tradition

Tabby

“Sleeping again Tabby?”

“Mrs. Human I am upholding one of our family’s traditions.”

“You mean sleeping is a tradition. I thought is was normal to sleep. Is it in favour of a festival or a special occurrence in the feline year.”

“I suppose you could say that Mrs. Human. We celebrate every day, it is an anchored tradition in the feline life. Sleep has been cultivated for many years in the feline way of life. Have you ever seen a feline with insomnia?”

“Well come to think of it, Not really.”

“You see Mrs. Human, the word does not even exist in meow. How can you describe a feline that does not sleep. We uphold the tradition daily, only having a paws (sorry pause) for  food and a territorial inspection. All felines maintain

this tradition, no matter where they are. As the Dalai Whiskers said “Sleep is the best meditation” and we felines are the experts.”

“You meditate when sleeping?”

“Of course. I meditate about when to awake and if my bowl of tuna fish will be ready. I meditate about my next sleeping session  and I meditate about my next wash, whether to lick my ears first or my tail and which position is the most beneficial for my next sleep.

Our traditions are to be planned with method. And now if you will excuse me I wish to sleep further, traditionally of course. I will now change my position into clockwise. My anti-clockwise movements have now been executed to full satisfaction.”

Feline RDP Wednesday: Feline Tradition